BEING IN TWENTIES - SOMETHING

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are
now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.
Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.
You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why
you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. You want to settle down for good because now all of a sudden that becomes top priority. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.You begin to think a companion for life is better than a hundred in the shack and for once you would not mind standing tall for that special someone which otherwise you had never thought of until now.You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem
to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it.We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
We aren't alone in their state of confusion...
We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis".

"I have been driven many times upon my knees  with overwhelming conviction,

I had nowhere else to go" - Abraham Lincoln

Irony

Sometimes things can go no wrong.. everything seems to be going perfectly well.

You come to the verge of absolute bliss.

You achieve what you always wanted.

You should be happy.... and as it happened with me... should be the happiest.

But Im sad..

Im not so selfish .. not so self centered that I can enjoy..

Im disheartened.

When  I should be out partying.. 

Im sitting at home mourning.. Hungry and unfed

I wish I could have people around me whom could party with me...

I wish I was not alone on the happiest day of my life..

I wish... I wish  lot of things..

My mentor always used to say...

Its always lonely at the top.

But I never expected it to be so meaningless.. So shallow... So SAD

Ezekiel 25:17.

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness.
For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children.
And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers.
And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."

"I"

I am not on the side of people who exaggerate their great doings of their past,
Nor am I in a position where I can appreciate great-same-old-lousy anecdotes of people,
But surely I humbly smile at every Normal thing that happens around me.
I am game for defects, Perfection no more turns me on.
I laugh at the tiniest of the events that occur in my vicinity,
I smirk at the Mundane thoughts,
I feel the bright summer even in the midst of bitter winter
And I believe in the 'I'.

Staid

“Have I not wept for the one whose life is hard?
Was not my soul grieved for the needy?
When I expected good, then evil came;
When I waited for light, then darkness came.
I am seething within and cannot relax;
Days of affliction confront me.
I go about mourning without comfort;
I stand up in the assembly and cry out for help."

Intense Insecurity

“You Dog”
“Male chauvinist pig”
“You are such a cheapster”
“Arrogant Bastard”
“Cold hearted prick”
These are only some of the many compliments I have earned over the years. ‘Egoist’ and ‘narcissist’ are the most common and the only ones I agree with myself. But INSECURE, this is brand new.
When you are in transactional exchange with someone, you form a relationship. This may be either positive or negative (depending on the philosophy of half empty and full). I personally try to learn from all transactions and move on. Because as Dr. Brian Weiss say, we are here on this earth, just to learn from experiences, and that’s the only aim.
But there are certain ones, the ones, which you call as deep friendship; the ones, which are forged with admiration, and sometimes, blind faith. Where you want the other to benefit more than you yourself benefit from the whole transactional experience. In those cases, you cannot be detached, unconcerned.
In such cases, you are more emotional, more caring, and more passionate. But these high degree of the sense of belongingness, this INTENSITY in relationship is taken as insecurity. Instead of appreciating the concern, the other person tends to shy away, even fight and respond in a hostile manner.
The only course befitting such a situation, letting go of your emotions to a certain degree and give each other another chance. But if this does not work, the only way left is to let go completely, before things turn into hatred.
The person may not be ready yet and it is not in your hand. He or she maybe waiting for something, some sign, some happening, some experience. And that might be another life!